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Looking for a girl who’s bright, smoking hot and totally lit? Our advice: conduct your search with Wicked Laser’s new flashlight, “The Torch.” The company that has proudly brought you pen-lasers that can pop balloons, light matches, and be seen from 5 miles away on clear night has now released a hand torch that… well… torches shit.
The Torch is about 9 inches long, lovingly crafted from aerospace grade aluminum, and boasts 4100 lumens – hot enough to fry an egg, set paper and plastic ablaze, and light your favorite Cuban stogie. Those big-ol’ security-guard- beating-you-upside-the-head Maglites put out a pussy 162 lumens, just to put things in perspective.
When this reviewer got his hands on it, I, in the purest spirit of journalistic integrity, set about conducting a series of highly-scientific experiments and product usage tests to bring you the absolute highest-quality review possible.
Then I set my notes on fire.
What followed was an orgy of the PubDistrict office’s new favorite game: “Will It Burn™” (send me an e-mail for the home version of the game). I won 20 bucks from Mark when he bet me I couldn’t set our intern ablaze (I lost ten to Daniel; the office Chihuahua is faster than he looks). Then we sat around making s’mores in the high-intensity beam telling band camp stories. A merry time was had by all.
This portable pyro’s wet dream is currently under consideration for the Guinness Book of World Records (the current record holder being the Polarion Helios Searchlight, used for police and military missions), and, with it’s 100+ lumen advantage, looks like a pretty good bet. Granted, the batteries only last about 15 minutes, but when you buy this three-hundred dollar bad-boy they graciously throw in a charger.
Frying an egg with a flashlight!
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